Al Michaels: Good afternoon everyone, and welcome to the selection special for the new Awesome Sauce Fantasy Football League.  Formerly the Tom Brady is a D-Bag league, the league has since expanded and realigned.  This special will be the unveiling of the new divisions.

First of all, let's meet the teams:

1. Chris Henry's Truck Divers: based out of Kernersville, NC
2. Beantown Brawlers: based out of St. Louis, MO
3. Fulbreezy's Panthers: based out of Charlotte, NC
4. Vick's Puppy Pals: based out of Spokane, WA
5. Stimulus Pack Ur Mom: based out of Baltimore, MD
6. Utter Shanenanigans: based out of Daytona, FL
7. War Calvin: based out of Daytona, FL
8. Forsyth Frog Lickers: based out of Winston-Salem, NC
9. Turd Ferguson: based out of Daytona, FL
10. SPower: based out of Washington, DC
11. Hate Modell and Loser King: based out of Washington, DC
12. Ghost of Shanahan 2.0: based out of Boone, NC
13. Body Massage Machine: based out of Seattle, WA
14. Brett Favre's 401(k): based out of Colorado City, CO
15. Plaxico's Cheddar Bobs: based out of Durham, NC
16. Nomads: currently based out of Honolulu, HI, but always changing.

Al: John Madden, what are your thoughts on the field?

John Madden: Well, it looks like there are sixteen teams, which means there will be eight games a week.  Doink!

Al: Thanks for that insight, John.  To help with the expansion of the league, a few changes have been made.  There are now four divisions instead of three, the playoff field has expanded to six teams, and the divisions will be selected via draw.

For any fans of soccer (like there are any now that the World Cup is over), the draw for the league will be similar to that: four teams will be assigned as the lead team to each division.  One team will be the host team, Vick's Puppy Pals.  The other three teams will be assigned based on ranking scores.  This very scientific system evaluates things such as past performance, awesomeness of name, and how much Mike Bowers likes you.

After that, a second tier will be assigned: the #8 team goes in the #1 team's division, #2 in #7, and so on.  The remaining eight teams are assigned based on geographic location and rivalries.  John, did you get all that?

John: BOOM!

Al: I'll take that as a yes.  And now, let's get to the divisions:

First off, the host team: Vick's Puppy Pals will be the head of the Mike Vick Division.  No surprises there.

Next up, Chris Henry's Truck Divers will head up the Pacman Jones Division.  This team has shown consistency over the last several years, finishing as the runner-up in several leagues.  John?

John: WHAP!

Al: Moving on, Body Massage Machine will head up the Santonio Holmes Division.  Coming off a record-setting season last year, this team looks poised to make a repeat.

Finally, Utter Shanenanigans will be heading up the Plaxico Burress Division. Let's hope this team has a better shot at winning than Plax has at playing this year.

John: BOOM!

Al: Now, for the second teams.  Joining the Vick Division will be the number eight team, The Nomads. They have had slight success in the past.  Hopefully they'll have a fighting chance this year.

John: Hopefully not a dogfighting chance!  Zoinks!

Al: After that, we have Turd Ferguson joining the Pacman Division. A newcomer to the league this year, they have the chance to make waves.  Let's hope they don't drop a deuce on the field.

Joining the Santonio Division, we have the Beantown Brawlers.  This team is also new to the league and has had much success in other leagues.  They should be able to do what Tom Brady has not done for several years: win a championship.

The second team to join the Plaxico Division will be Hate Modell and Loser King.  Unfortunately for the rest of the division, they can't leave the league via a one-hour special.

John, what are your thoughts on the second batch of teams?

John: The team that scores the most points is probably going to win the game!

Al: As mentioned previously, the remaining teams were selected based on natural rivalries, name awesomeness, and other factors.

First off, rounding out the Vick Division will be Ghost of Shanahan 2.0 and Fulbreezy's Panthers.  Both of these teams have North Carolina roots and will hopefully perform better than Thomas Davis will this year.

John: He blew out his knee twice.  That's more than once!

Al: The final two teams to join the Pacman Division will be Plaxico's Cheddar Bobs and the Forsyth Frog Lickers. These teams have the potential to do well, and if they don't, the trash talk will make up for it.  They should have some hard-fought games against each other and against the Divers.

Joining the Santonio Division will be War Calvin and Brett Favre's 401(k). The Favre-Machine matchup will be one to watch, as it matches up one of two pairs of siblings in the league.

John: Will you marry me, Brett!?

Al: That means that SPower and Stimulus Pack Ur Mom will join the Plaxico Division. This sets up two strong rivalries: the Stimulus-Shanenanigans matchup pairs two old friends, while the SPower-Modell game represents a same-house rivalry.

John: I have a bus!

So, to recap, here are our divisions for the upcoming year:

Vick Division

1. Vick's Puppy Pals
2. Nomads
3. Ghost of Shanahan 2.0
4. Fulbreezy's Panthers

Pacman Division

1. CH's Truck Divers
2. Turd Ferguson
3. Forsyth Frog Lickers
4. Plaxico's Cheddar Bobs

Santonio Division

1. Body Massage Machine
2. Beantown Brawlers
3. Brett Favre's 401(k)
4. War Calvin

Plaxico Division

1. Utter Shanenanigans
2. Stimulus Pack Ur Mom
3. SPower
4. Hate Modell and Loser King

At first glance, these all seem to be great divisions.  Does anything stand out to you, John?

John: Well, I am disappointed to see that the Puppy Pals and Machine don't play each other this year.  Hopefully they'll get to renew their rivalry in the playoffs.  Also, the Thursday night opening game between the Machine and Favre will be a fun matchup...I love Brett Favre!

Al: Thanks for that, John.  Well folks, that's all for now.  Join us in August for the league selection special.  Until then, for John Madden...

John: BOOM!  WHAP!  POW!

Al: I'm Al Michaels saying so long, folks.

1. I have lost 79 pounds since last April, 59 of those in the last six months.
2. My goal weight of 250 is now less than 50 pounds away.
3. For the first time since I was 13 years old (except for maybe a day when I was 17), I am under 300 pounds.

I don't think people can fully appreciate the significance of a milestone like that unless they've been on the wrong side of it.  Like I said when I started this conquest, I've been over 300 pounds since the eighth grade.  That's half of my life.  The difference between my now-current weight and 300 pounds is two-tenths of a pound.  That's a heavy dinner.  But it feels so much different to say "I weigh 299 pounds" than to say "I weigh 300 pounds."  There's a stigma with it that's hard to shake.

Is there a chance that I may go back above that threshold at some point over the next several days and weeks?  It's possible.  This whole journey hasn't been completely perfect.  But I've gotten back below the threshold, and I plan to leave it behind for good when this is all said and done.

Current weight: 299.8 pounds
Weight lost since 1/1/10: 59 pounds

My extended family consists of two very-different sides: there's the Smith side (Mom's side), a side that is very scattered, fractured, and a side to which I have never been close, nor have I maintained any desire to do so.

Then there's the Bowers side, my dad's side.  The Bowers family is your traditional, Midwestern farming family, as the household consisted of children going into the double-digits.  From what I can gather, Grandma and Grandpa taught the value of hard work, seeing as the kids were put to work at a very young age.   This side has always been very close, and they continue to keep in touch.  Dad has really been focused on maintaining contact after Mom's death.

I say all that to say that this July is going to be a Bowers family reunion out in Iowa.  It's the first time I've seen any of that family since right before Grandpa died in 1997.  It will also be the first time Amanda gets to meet any of my extended family, and it's the first time I will have gone when I'm old enough to appreciate what's around me.

We'll be out there for five days, and the reunion itself only takes up one of those days.  Seeing as Amanda and I are renting a car, it seems logical to do some traveling.  I see this as a perfect opportunity to document some of my family history: visiting places where people grew up, seeing where family members have been laid to rest, etc.  I plan on using as much time as possible to get to know the Bowers side of my family a bit better.  I only have a few days, but hey, it's a start.

I hope to have plenty of pictures and information to post on here.  It should be nice project.  Maybe I'll learn a thing or two!

I'm down to 304 now.  I probably haven't been that since I was 17.  I'm soooooo close to being under 300 for the first time in an eternity that I'm getting anxious and frustrated.  This is something that could very easily be accomplished by next week, but I want it now.  I want to go home this weekend and tell my Dad I'm 299, 298, whatever.  I've even considered taking a few shortcuts, but I won't.  It would be great if it happens this week.  If it doesn't, I'll keep working and hope for next week.

The other thing is that I don't feel in some aspects like I've lost 75 pounds in the thirteen months.  When I look at recent pictures of myself, I still look really big.  I suppose there's an easy explanation for that: I'm a naturally-big person to begin with, and I still weigh over 300 pounds.  However, the clothes that were almost too small last year are way too big this year and my face has gotten significantly skinnier.  Those things I do know, and those are good things.

Like I've said before, progress is a good thing.  However, I'm struggling with being contempt with 75 pounds when the goal is 128.  The fact I'm motivated to work harder is a good thing, I suppose.

Weight as of 6/9/10: 304.6 pounds
Weight lost as of 1/1/10: 54 pounds

I just got back to South Carolina last week after a nice, 10-day vacation in Washington.  It was nice to relax and see people.  I even took a chance to rest my bad foot, which feels great now.

Of course, the downside of resting means no exercise.  And spending excessive time by yourself typically leads to eating more than usual.  The bad news is I gained a few pounds during the time I was on vacation.  The good news is that weight is now gone again, and then some.

I've decided I like the meal replacement option, but only for one meal.  I think breakfast is the most-logical option.  A breakfast shake runs around 200 calories, which seems to be a good amount regardless.  When I tried replacing breakfast and lunch, I believe it limited my calories way too much, which caused my body to not burn as much as it can.  We'll go with this and see what happens.

At this point, sub-300 is well within reach.  With a couple of good weeks, I could be below it by next weekend.  Or with a REALLY good week, I could be there by the end of this week.  No need to overexert myself; I'll get there eventually...and then some!

Weight as of 6/7/10: 306 pounds
Weight lost since 1/1/10: 52 pounds

1. My weight is at 312, so I'm up about three pounds from last week.  Guys' weekend in Clemson is a pretty good source of that.  (Sure was fun, though!)

2. My cholesterol is at normal levels for the first time in my adult life: HDL (good cholesterol) is at 41 (in the good range), LDL (bad cholesterol) is at 134 (the low-end of the "borderline high" range), and triglycerides are at 85 (optimal range).  Total cholesterol is at 192 (desirable range).  Considering my family history of high cholesterol, those numbers (especially the triglycerides) are amazing.

3. I have tendonitis in my Achilles.  Prescribed course of treatment is rest and a modified exercise routine to put less stress on that area.  I need to figure out what that means.

4. My doctor was amazed by the amount of weight lost since last year.  He said, "It's stuff you typically don't see nowadays.  It's very gratifying when someone comes in with results like that."  It was wonderful to get that kind of talk instead of the usual, "You need to get in better shape" talk.

It's good to know that after all this time, I'm actually getting healthy.  All this work has paid off after all.  Now on to vacation!

Part of it has been made easier thanks to a random discovery in the grocery store several months ago: Walden Farms is a manufacturer of various sauces, dressings and dips.  All of their products are calorie-free, gluten-free, and carb-free.  I've been using their BBQ sauce for months now, and I'm about to try their peanut butter for the first time.  They also make calorie-free marshmallow dip, chocolate syrup, jams and jellies, coleslaw mix, and many other things.

As a disclaimer, I must say I haven't tried the bulk of their offerings.  However, I plan on trying more in the weeks and months to come.  If it's as good as the BBQ sauce, I should be pretty excited.  I'll also look more into their ingredients; the concept of no-calorie anything has been one of the greatest mysteries for years.  I'm curious to see as to how they do it.

However, if you're simply looking for something free of calories, carbs, or gluten, I'd recommend giving their products a shot!

This means I have about ten days to lose 10.9 pounds if I want to be under 300 when I go on vacation. Is it possible? Potentially. Is it realistic? Probably not. I'm not going to kill myself to get to it, but I'm going to work my damndest over the next week and a half.

The big challenge recently has been my foot.  Specifically, my Achilles has been really sore lately.  I've tried to work through it (probably not smart), but it's limited me a few times.  I've been alternating between ice and heat as much as possible.  I've never appreciated those two things as much as I do now.  It's done wonders.  I'm pain-free for the most part right now, so I'm hoping I stay that way.

Focusing on the positives, my BMI dropped below 40. That means I've gone from "morbidly obese" to simply "obese." It's not something to throw a party about, but it's nice to get rid of the label that says, "Hey, you could die if you stay like this for too long." I'm also finally starting to feel and notice the difference. I finally gave in and bought some smaller clothes (thanks, Dad).

And then I came across an old picture from last year. I'm going to put it side by side with one from last week for comparison:

Like I've said before, there's still work to be done, but it's progress.  I like progress.

Weight as of 5/10/10: 310.8 pounds
Weight lost since 1/1/10: 48 pounds

I cooked two salmon filets on the George Foreman grill for about five minute, then basted them in BBQ sauce. I recommend Walden Farms sauce. They have the only no-calorie BBQ sauce I've seen, and it's actually pretty good. While this is going on, I steamed some broccoli in the microwave, then strained it and put two slices of fat free American cheese on top. After the salmon was done, I threw some mushrooms on the grill until they were cooked through. The end result was this:

Just to add some sweetness to the meal, I added an apple to the side. Total calories: approximately 500. That's pretty impressive, since it include two pieces of fish, two slices of cheese, and BBQ sauce. And it was pretty good. I definitely plan on making it again sometime soon.

Now I just need to start thinking of a dish for next week!

The sub-300 goal seems to be a realistic possibility at this point, even if I stay where I'm at for the rest of the week. If I can lose a bit more, it may be a goal to get under that by the time I go on vacation in late May. The last time I was under 300 pounds was when I was 17, and it was at 298 for a few days. I can't convey how excited I am at the prospect of that happening very soon. As I mentioned last week, I still need to be realistic and embrace any progress. However, that doesn't mean I won't really embrace significant progress!

Weight as of 4/28/10: 313 pounds
Weight lost since 1/1/10: 45 pounds