Wow…
I'm wearing a 2XL shirt to work today. Is it a little snug? Maybe. But for the most part, it fits.
The last time I was able to wear a 2XL shirt? When I was 13.
Keeping things in perspective
Today starts a new week. I find myself trying to not get frustrated after the past week while trying to maintain perspective.
I've lost another three pounds since last week. That's good news. However, the reason I'm frustrated is because I feel like it should be more. When I stepped on the scale Tuesday, I was at 318. I spent the rest of the week fluctuating around that mark. Even yesterday, I was at 318.4, so I put on half a pound since yesterday.
Part of me is trying to remember that weight fluctuates throughout the week. That's why we're typically encouraged to not weigh ourselves everyday. However, part of me is also thinking that if I was at 318 by Tuesday, I should have been at 315 or lower six days later. However, I should be happy with a net weight loss. We'll see what happens after this week. Maybe I'll move away from the daily weigh-ins.
I'm also trying something different this week: liquid meal replacements. No, I'm not going to start fad dieting. I'm replacing one meal a week for this week to see if it works. I don't see this as something I would do long-term, but I could see this as something I do on occasion, depending on the result.
I'm considering making it a goal of mine to be under 300 pounds by the end of May. I'm trying to determine if that's healthy and realistic. I'm guessing how this week goes would dictate that. In any case, I should be happy with progress.
Weight as of 4/26/10: 319.0 pounds
Weight lost since 1/1/10: 39 pounds
Dear Mom
Dear Mom,
First of all, I must say I find it rather ironic I'm expressing my feelings through a blog. It makes sense to me, but you were always afraid of the Internet. I can't imagine that fear has changed.
It's been one year now since we lost you. I've had so many feelings run through my head since then: anger, sadness, confusion, hopelessness, and so many others that don't come to mind right now. The days, weeks, and months that followed were, by far, the darkest time I've ever experienced as a human being. If I wasn't feeling sorry for myself, I was feeling sorry for Dad or Kenny. Trying to make sense of why we lost you consumed us for a long time.
However, I don't want to spend this time focusing on solely the hurt we've experienced. I want to spend time telling you how far we've come since then. You would be amazed at how much Dad has changed since last year. Obviously, he was beyond comfort for a really long time. Of course, I'm sure anyone who came home from work to find their wife of 30 years dead would feel the same way.
However, the turnaround he's had since then has been nothing short of remarkable. In a way, he's taken on many of your qualities: he's quick to show his love for us now, he's always willing to help us out if we're in a bind, and he's doing an incredible job of being a single father. He's worked hard to get many of the finances in order, he's done some cleaning around the house, and he even finds time to take care of the dogs. In fact, he got Odie groomed a few weeks ago to look like a lion: all his hair shaved except for a mane. He's REALLY cute.
Dad also retired on Friday, after 29 years at RJ Reynolds. It wasn't something he had planned on yet, but they offered him too good of a deal to pass up. He's getting ready to head out to Iowa to see the family for a while. We're even having a family reunion in July.
Kenny is...well, he's Kenny. He's still working, living at home with Dad. I'm actually glad he's doing that at this point. For one, it allows Dad to have someone to talk to for a good part of the day. It also means someone will be able to take care of everything while Dad's in Iowa. He and Jennifer are still together, and she's as feisty as ever. Danny moved out this weekend, as he took a new job down in Georgia. He and Kenny had been working on installing security systems together. As you can imagine, Danny's thrived in it. Kenny? Not so much. But at least he's been trying.
And as for me, I'm doing okay. Amanda and I have been doing the long-distance thing for about a year now. After being together for 18 months, we're more in love than we've ever been before, and we're trying to figure out what happens next year. I think our relationship is strong enough to where it would be great to be in the same place again, but it's also not a necessity. Her family has been great. Tom and Holly remind me of you and Dad sometimes, and get-togethers with her family remind me of when we used to go visit Grandma and Grandpa. Say hello to them for me, by the way.
Outside of that, I'm working and focusing on improving all facets of my life. I hit rock bottom around October, and I finally reached out for help. I feel happy again, probably happier than I've been in a really long time. I've also lost about 60 pounds since you last saw me. I still have a way to go, but I feel good about it. I got to see Mr. Fitzpatrick a while ago at his new restaurant; it was really good, even if we didn't get to converse much. Ironically enough, I saw Mrs. Hicks while I was there, and she seems as wonderful as ever. It's hard to think it's been almost 22 years since I stepped into her classroom for the first time. Unfortunately, Mrs. Dillon died this weekend after her second battle with cancer. The good thing is she's not hurting anymore either. It's the same thinking I've come to embrace with you. I'm sad not to have you, but I'm glad you're not in pain.
So I suppose this was my long-winded way of saying that despite everything that's gone on in the last year, and despite the fact we miss you so much, try not to worry about us too much. We're doing okay. There's always bumps and potholes in the road that is life, but you work through it. There's really no other option.
I love you, I miss you, and I look forward to seeing you again someday. Take care of yourself.
Love always,
Mike
One step back, two steps forward
I believe I've been at the routine for a little over three months now, and I feel the results are really starting to show now.
I went on vacation a few weeks back (part of it planned, part of it unplanned), including a last-minute trip out to Washington. This was the first time I had been out there since giving up caffeine. Surprisingly, I didn't really feel an urge to drink it, even though there's usually copious amounts of Diet Coke in the fridge. I also felt I did a better job of keeping my eating in check while out there, even if I didn't really exercise.
The result of said vacation was a gain of about two pounds, putting me around 331 by the time I was back on Sunday night. I used the next several days to step things up again, even if I took a day or two off in there. I'm now biking for 50 minutes, starting at level 7 resistance. Here's the typical breakdown:
-10 minutes at level 7
-5 minutes at level 8
-5 minutes at level 9
-10 minutes at level 10
-5 minutes at level 11
-5 minutes at level 12
-5 minutes at level 13
-5 minutes of cool-down
Including the compensating the bike does for increased resistance, I average about 15 miles a workout now. I've found myself having a much easier time during the mid-day or late-afternoon workouts than the early-morning ones. My legs just have more kick in them, even if I've worked out earlier in the day.
All in all, the week was way more productive than I expected. I lost nine pounds after I got back, bringing me down to 322. I'd guess this is about where I was during my senior year of high school. The clothes are getting much looser, I notice a difference in the mirror, and I feel pretty good.
I was even actually able to buckle the seatbelt on one of my flights without an extension. I haven't done that in a loooooong time. Hopefully I can keep it up so I'll have more options for flying. I always fly Delta right now because they're more lenient when it comes to "Customers of Size" (airline industry code-talk for fat people). Some airlines will bump you from a flight, or in some cases, charge you for a second seat. (Kevin Smith is a good example of this policy.) To be able to fly with the airlines with a stricter policy, you typically have to:
-Use no more than one seatbelt extension
-Be able to put down the armrest
-Not infringe on the seat(s) next to you
The first two are easy for me, especially now. It's the third one that's debatable. I do my best not to infringe on anyone else's space, but let's be honest: airline seats are typically between 16"-17" wide. I'm pretty broad-shouldered to begin with. It's a close call. I'd like to eliminate as much doubt as possible before I open up my options. On the bright side, at least I have more than enough points for a free Delta flight!
This week will carry more emotion than usual. I found out my fourth-grade teacher (an avid NC State fan), Mrs. Kat Dillon, passed away after a long battle with cancer. She was a truly remarkable person, even though I hadn't seen her in years. Wednesday also marks the one-year anniversary of Mom's death. I'll probably write more on that when the day comes around. There's so many thoughts running through my head, though it's at least become much easier to manage at this point.
That's all for now. Here's to more progress!
Weight as of Monday, April 19: 322.0 pounds
Weight lost since January 1: 36 pounds
Cheating
I'd like to think I'm still making progress towards my goal. However, I am still facing challenges and bumps in the road. My latest challenge is mastering the art of cheating.
Obviously, a proper diet has been part of the plan. And by "proper diet," I don't mean starving myself. I simply mean eating better proportions of things that are healthier. When I'm in Clinton and I'm by myself, I've mastered the routine.
The challenge is when I go elsewhere. As I mentioned a few months ago, going out to Washington was a challenge for me, both with exercising and with eating. I went home this weekend to enjoy some Wrestlemania shenanigans, and I ran into much of the same problem, at least on Sunday.
I decided I was going to cheat and not necessarily worry about what I was eating. I figured since I had been good, I could take a day to relax and eat some delicious but unhealthy foods. However, I went a bit overboard on it and ate a lot of things, including too much pizza and Wheat Thins. Suffice to say, I got a little behind on my plan, putting on a few pounds.
After a couple days of workouts, I've taken a good chunk of it back off, and I'm almost back to where I was last week. But I know I need to be better. Fifty-one pounds and eight inches off the waist is a pretty big accomplishment, but it's not the end. I just need to keep working.
-51
The increased-intensity workouts seem to be doing wonders already. I stepped on the scale this morning and was at 327.
It's significant for three reasons: for one, I'm now into the lower-end of my freshman-year-of-college weight, now approaching my senior year of high school weight. Secondly, I've now lost more than 30 pounds since January.
The most-important thing to me, however, is the number 50. As I mentioned previously, when my mom passed away last April, I was 378 pounds. Now at 327, that means over the last eleven months, I have lost over 50 pounds. In the course of my life, I've had plenty of fluctuations in weight. Most have them have been in the upward direction, though. I've never been able to say I've lost 50 pounds over any length of time. Now I can, and that's a big deal for me.
This is the first time I've really noticed a difference too. My clothes certainly feel a lot looser. I can even look in the mirror and not see a horribly-protruding gut; now it's only a somewhat-protruding one. 
In any case, this certainly isn't the end of my journey. It's really not even the halfway point. However, it's a pretty remarkable accomplishment, and suddenly the remainder of the goal seems easier to reach.
Weight as of 3/25/10: 327 pounds (lowest since 2003)
Weight lost since 1/1/10: 31 pounds.
Taking it up a notch
Another week is over, and I'm continuing to make progress towards my goal. It occurred to me late last week that while I've been making sure to continue to increase the intensity of my weight-lifting routine, I haven't really been doing that that with my cardio. This could be bad, since cardio is the main part of my workout, and it's thing I do the most (up to 11 sessions in a given week).
Keeping this in mind, I made three changes to my routine this weekend. One change involved increasing the time of my biking sessions. On Sunday, I went for 50 minutes, and today I went for 40 minutes. I've also increased the resistance, starting at 6 and increasing by a level every five minutes. On the weight-lifting side, I've added an extra set of reps, but I may need to re-evaluate that (or at least the resistance).
As of today, I've already noticed a significant difference, as my weight is dropping at a faster-than-usual rate again. I think I will add an extra five minutes to my biking every week or two, and up the starting resistance by one on a regular basis. We'll see how it works.
Outside of that, today is my second day of no caffeine, and I feel pretty good. I don't have any headaches, and I have a good amount of energy. I also am starting to feel like I'm losing; my clothes are much looser, and I can even wear clothes that I previously could not. I'm about to go under 330 pounds for the first time since my freshman year of college. I'm almost at the point where I can drop a clothing size. Both are pretty awesome to me, even if I still have a long way to complete my goal.
Weight as of 3/22/10: 330.6 pounds
Weight lost since 1/1/10: 27.4 pounds
Staying motivated, keeping things interesting
I can't say I did a whole lot this weekend. Then again, I never really do anything at this point. Clinton isn't exactly a place to go out and have an exciting time. The only real thing of note was re-arranging my bedroom a bit to hook my computer up to my TV. Past that, it was old South Park and 30 Rock episodes.
I took a day off from exercising Saturday, which put me back in the fitness center on Sunday afternoon. I decided I was going to try something different: increase the resistance on the bike. On a typical day, I bike on a level 5 resistance. Having done this for a while now, it really feels like nothing to me, and I can bike at a rate slightly faster than 20 mph.
One of the things I've gathered during my reading on exercise is that you have to change your routine on a regular basis. When you do the same thing for so long, your body becomes used to it, making it harder to lose weight. Keeping that in mind, I decided I was going to bike for 40 minutes instead of the typical 30-35. I started on level 5, as usual, but I went up to level 6 after 10 minutes. Not bad. After 20 minutes, I went up to level 7. Still not horrible. After 30 minutes, I bumped it up to level 10. Okay, now this is a workout. However, I did feel good enough to extend my time by another five minutes, putting me at 10 minutes at level 10. I sustained about 100 RPM at this rate, and I got my heart rate up to about 155 for that time.
While not as intense today, I did go back to level 10 for a bit, and I could feel the difference. I also increased my weights again. I can still do everything, but it's a challenge. I may stay there for a few weeks before trying to move up again.
All in all, I'm feeling pretty good. I lost another three pounds from last week, taking me down to 335. I'm about seven pounds away from my freshman year of college weight. If you think about it, that's not exactly great, but then again, having lost 43 pounds since last April is a good thing.
The other major challenge I find myself facing is getting up in the morning. Lunchtime and weekend workouts are easy for me, since I'm already up and moving and have been for several hours. However, I wake up during the week at a time specifically for this purpose. It can get old after a while, but I'm trying to stay motivated. I remember I got to a point when I did this several years ago where I had an amazing amount of energy. Waking up was no problem then. I hope I can get back to that.
Weight as of 3/15/10: 335 pounds
Weight lost since 1/1/10: 23 pounds
Progress and challenges
Several weeks ago, I flew out to Washington to see Amanda. I made it a goal of mine to get down to 340 before I got out there. It just seemed like a good place to be, even if it required some extra work.
Good news: The day I flew out, I was down to 340.
Bad news: Contrary to my predetermined goal to continue working out while I was out there, I only worked out one day. I didn't find the fitness center at Amanda's apartment complex one that I could use very easily.
Bad news: I also ate a lot while I was out there, including a lot of sushi. It's soooo good and cheap.
Good news: Despite all of this, I put on around a pound while I was out there. I think I was about 341 when I got back. I expected it to be a lot more.
Bad news: It took me another week after getting back to get back into the routine.
Good news: I got back in the routine last week and continued to make progress.
Best news: I got under 340 as of this morning, as I'm sitting at 339. It's the first time I've been there in about two years.
As you can see, I still face a lot of challenges when I'm away from my comfort zone. Working out regularly is a big one. I need to find things I can do, even if I don't have the same equipment at my disposal that I do here. Even if walking doesn't get the same result as my normal routine, it's still better than nothing.
Eating well away from home is also a challenge, though I think it's one I'm getting better at in certain situations. I still need to get better. I'll also consider it a small victory that I was able to get back into a routine after stopping for a couple of weeks. It's usually that first time I stop that I find myself in trouble. I've luckily gotten over that hump.
I've also made changes to my routine to, hopefully, prevent from hitting that plateau when it comes to weight loss. The new routine consists of:
-35-45 minutes of carido, typically consisting of biking about 10 miles at a level 5 resistance on the stationary bike.
-20 minutes of weight exercises, alternating daily between upper body and lower body workouts. Upper body workouts consist of dumbbell rows, shoulder presses, tricep curls, bicep curls, pulldowns, and seated rows. Lower body workouts consist of dumbbell squats, lunges, leg curls, leg presses, leg extensions, and crunches. I'm also making sure to up the weight every week and switching up the order.
I'm hoping this helps. I like the results so far.
I've also taken another challenge during this whole thing: eliminating caffeine from my routine. My day typically consisted of diet soda...A LOT of diet soda. Technically, it's not bad in the sense that it's not a lot of calories. But diet soda isn't exactly good for you in mass quantities. Plus I don't want to have to depend on caffeine for energy.
I made the big mistake of trying to completely eliminate it at once. That didn't last very long. Caffeine withdrawal is a horrible feeling. The crash is not easy to handle, and the headaches are almost crippling. Now I'm in the process of tapering off, just the way I should have done it from the start. Each day last week, I had a 20 oz. soda that consisted of half caffeinated soda and half caffeine-free. Ten ounces of caffeine seemed to work just fine, with the exception of one day, so this week it's down to five ounces. If all goes well, I'll try to stop after the weekend, or taper down even more at the worst.
That's all for now!
Accountability
(Note: the following series of posts have been imported from my 100 pounds to fitness blog. In an effort to hopefully increase the audience/level of accountability, I'm posting them here.)
My name is Mike Bowers, and I'm a product of change. Unfortunately, there hasn't been much good change.
Mainly, it's been my weight that changes. For years, my weight has gone up in an upward and unhealthy direction. For the first half of my life, I grew outward as quickly as I grew upward. It's easy to hide the fact you just put on 20 pounds when you got three inches taller at the same time. Unfortunately, my weight didn't stop increasing as the same time as my height.
I was 300 pounds by the time I was in the eighth grade. It seemed like a deathly-scary thing at the time, but after about four years at the same weight, it didn't seem so bad. My senior year of my high school, I went up a little more, then a little more in college. By my sophomore year, the doctor had to write "350+" on the chart. Even after that, I found myself starting to justify things: at least I'm not 400, I said. I'm still in relatively good health. Nevermind the fact that I was diagnosed with sleep apnea and, as a result, I have to sleep hooked to a machine to make sure I don't suffocate in my sleep.
2009 saw a lot of drastic changes for me: my entire office at work left for other things, leaving me the "senior" member of the office at 10 months. My girlfriend moved to take another job 3,000 miles across the country. Worst of all, I lost my mom unexpectedly on April 21. Getting in shape wasn't exactly a priority before, and it certainly didn't become more of one after that. Then I went to the doctor and stepped on the scale: 378 pounds. My heaviest ever. Only 22 pounds from the dreaded 400.
I spent the rest of 2009 going through similar spurts, but I eventually decided I didn't want to push back my "breaking point" anymore. Enough was enough.
I always figured if I got down to 250 pounds, I'd be in fairly decent shape. When I was weighed at the beginning of January, I checked in at 358. That's roughly 108 pounds to my goal weight. For the sake of a catchy blog name, let's just say I have 100 pounds to lose. This blog will be a chronicle of my progress towards that goal. I'm going to post whatever is on my mind at the time: excitement about a workout, confusion about figuring out new healthy eating options, frustration over hitting a plateau, or whatever else comes to mind.
More importantly, this blog will be an attempt at accountability. I'll post updates on my progress so I can point out when I'm doing especially well and talk about what I need to change when I hit a roadblock. Am I going to send this to everyone I know? Maybe. Or I may just leave this out in cyberspace and see what happens. If nothing else, I'm putting this out there to where even if no one sees it, everyone could see it. It's a start.
As of this morning, I clocked in at 345.4. (Super Bowl Sunday was a bit rough.) That's down about 34 pounds from April and 13 pounds from when I started. It's progress, but there's much more work to be done.
After all, I've been through plenty of change already. A little more wouldn't hurt me. Hopefully it will save me.
Recent Greatness
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